Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading comedians devoted their broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits international individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.